Restless Night in Paradise

Nikki is heavy on my heart and head tonight. Maybe it is a result of watching a cheesy chic flick or being lonely or whatever. I have also have been reading this book called chasing daylight about not just sitting around and doing nothing but making the choice to do things. I miss her terribly. I have been obsessed with people in the past but for stupid reasons and I never did anything stupid at least I think I didn't. This time around when she said those words i dread I knew i had to let go and right now. So i did. I still would think about her but I didn't and don't want to make her uncomfortable, but I still want to be around her and I don't know what to do. She says she doesn't want to lead me on and isn't ready for a relationship, yet we have done relationship things, dating, talking countless hours and txts, and she went out of her way to come to be with me at a basketball game. I want to honor what she is saying and feeling, but what about what i am feeling? I thought I was getting a message from you about this but, what if.... like I said another restless night in paradise. Help Me, I Don't know what to do as usual.